Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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