The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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