cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
