It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
