Don't make out with my wife yet
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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