I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
