I'm so fucking centered right now
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
