So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
