Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
