I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
