Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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