So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
