There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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