last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You don't make any sense
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