There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
