someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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