Already got asked if we're dating
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
