Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
