U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
