I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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