And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
