I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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