My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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