You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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