nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
