I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
