I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
