my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
