omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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