went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
