Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
