you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
