I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Someone signed my nipple.
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