so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
