matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
