I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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