he thought i was a dude.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
