I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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