You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
