I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
