I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
