Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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