So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
porn star boner night. come get it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
