dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
