I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
