worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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