u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
