return my video game
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Randomize
