in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
