i barfeds in our rink
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
