I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
